Do You Have a Boyfriend?

    This question perplexes me, and always has. Why is it the one that comes quickest to the minds of people after, "what's your name?" I mean, does it matter? And furthermore, how do you reply? (My mouth tends to hang open for a moment, and then I manage, "uh . . . no.") The acquiring of boyfriends is a mystery entirely unplumbed to me, and although this has never bothered me I sometimes try to understand it.
   
    The boyfriend question has been asked of me many times in the past (to be fair, often in a joking fashion), but the encounter most imprinted upon my mind was the one with a very peculiar woman, dark of hair and squinting of eye, a friend of one of Mother's business associates, whom I'd never met before that day. Interrogations such as the one I was subjected to at her hands are more amusing than annoying, but leave one reflecting with utter bemusment upon the nature of humans.
    Impressively, "Do you have a boyfriend?" was not the first thing she asked me. First came, "you're fourteen, right?"
    "Sixteen," I replied, rather awkwardly because I never feel like I'm being polite enough when I contradict someone.
    "Oh. Do you have a boyfriend?" 
    "Uh . . . no." I said, with a stupid grin.
    This seemed to confuse her, as though she'd never heard of a sixteen-year-old girl without a boyfriend. And here I have a question to ask the world at large: when did one's boyfriend situation become the next most important part of one's identity, after name and age? And why? Should people start introducinig themselves thus: HiI'mJenniferI'mseventeenandyesIhaveaboyfriend?

    "Where do you go to school?" was another of her ceaseless questions.
    "I'm homeschooled," I said.
    "Huh." This also confused her. After a minute or two, she said grimly, "Well, no wonder you don't have a boyfriend, 'cause how would you meet someone."
    This extraordinary remark struck within me a wild urge to laugh, but I restrained myself.
    This little exchange was a hours after her first boyfriend question, so the subject must have been on her mind the whole time we were at her house. I'm not sure why it was so vital. I think she was comforted in the end that the only reason I didn't have a boyfriend was because I was unable to "meet someone"; no doubt it was just too mind-bending to contemplate a girl who had no boyfriend because she didn't need one. The very idea!
 
    Don't get me wrong. In her disconcerting way, I think the lady meant well. Perhaps, like many mothers, she studies other people's children and takes notes (what was done right in raising this kid; what was done wrong; whether or not the weird girl without a boyfriend would make a good daughter-in-law). Her own daughter, a sweet-faced girl with serious problems, is fourteen years old and has a boyfriend. If it made the lady happy to compare me to her offspring, then I certainly have no problem with it. But I couldn't help wondering if the poor daughter wouldn't have been better off without that boyfriend. What are the odds that they are meant for each other? That they'll end up with a lifelong marriage? What if the girl waited until she was looking for a husband? Would that not have left her some time to recover from some of the things she was suffering under and the issues she had (which will remain unspecified) at this very tender, immature, emotionally torrid age?

    I hear that the reason for boyfriends at this age is for "practice", so you know how to conduct a relationship when you are ready for marriage. I've seen no very marked evidence of the effectiveness of this approach, but I guess I'm not an expert. Anyway, I have another question:

    If you have been brought up properly (and I believe I have), with good conversation skills, good manners, the ability to interact with equability and imagination with people of every age, gender, and education; and experience in conveying your feelings adequately to someone you love and respect, then why would you need practice? I believe that a person who can make and keep dear friends can make and keep a romantic relationship. So why worry about it now?

    Another question:
    If you have not been brought up properly, and do not have any of the skills above mentioned, then is it advisable to "practice" with a boyfriend before you have acquired them?

    And lastly: a relationship that starts out as "practice" is still a relationship. So when it ends (which it must; it's just practice, right?), someone's going to hurt. Even if it's only a little.

    A disclaimer: I do not think that having a boyfriend is wrong. I do not think that having a young relationship is wrong. However, I believe with all my heart that romance is a serious business, not to be toyed with by fragile girls just past childhood, and certainly not something to be flaunted next to your name just so middle-aged soccer moms will approve of you.

    I realize that all these questions and musings are not particularly decisive, but I swore to myself when I created this blog that I would be honest about things that matter, and so I've been honest. And actually, I am resolved, in a way.
    I swear to never to let the opinions of other people affect my descisions. I resolve to use my judgement. I resolve to always apply manners, tact, care, common sense. Most of all, I resolve to make sure that my actions align with Biblical wisdom, because that is something which has never once let me down.

    So. Do I have a boyfriend? No. Will I have a boyfriend? Sometime in the future, perhaps. And would I ever let the opinions of others on the subject, the expectations of the world, rob me of my ability to think it through?    

    Never.